It's Monday at 11:05 pm - way past my bed time. I haven't even blogged about our fun time in Leavenworth yet (sorry). I tend to get a bit sappy at night so bear with me or better yet, don't read this post.
I just finished watching "The Memory Keepers Daughter". I hated the movie. The book was hard to read but I would recommend it over the movie. I of course cried at the end. Anything that involves children makes me cry.
I than decided to pop over and read a blog that makes me cry more. A few months ago I stumbled across a blog that made me laugh; made me want to read more; made me want to know this person. She lives in Arizona so there was no way I could meet her, but I still wanted to be like her. She was fun, crazy, put her kids ahead of EVERYTHING. She seemed pretty darn cool. A few weeks ago she and her hubby were in a plane crash. He has burns over 30% of his body, she had burns over 80% of hers. They will be in a medical coma for months. Her sister has taken in their 4 children and gives daily updates on her blog which I read every day.
She can feel her sister. She knows that part of her sisters soul is watching over her kids. I can not began to imagine what that family is going through. It brings tears to my eyes just trying to wrap my head around part of it. As a mother, not being there to witness our kids every day. Not holding them when they are sad, scared, alone. It's unbearable. My heart goes out to them. I pray for them each day.
So, when I get in these moods I start to feel guilty. I know I can not be a perfect mom. But I can be a hell of a better mom. I tend to let the little things get in my way. I have to pick up the toys or finish reading a blog before I play with my kids. It breaks my heart that I let "life" get in the way of what's really, really important - my kids. I wish I could turn it off. Put is all aside and get down on their level and just be.
I want my kids to have vivid memories of me. Not the once a year vacation things, but the real everyday, nuts and bolts moments. I want them to thank me for being there. I want them to remember me being there. I want them to know I will be there.
I wish I could just be. I wish I had the strength to be in the moment. I wish I cared less about me. If my kids every read this I hope they understand one thing - I love them more than life it self and mommy is working very hard at being in the moment.
1 comment:
I agree with you about the story of the Nielsen family. The heartbreak of being away from your children for at least several months and how the children must be feeling. And the amount of physical pain they must be feeling as well.
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