I don't know about you, but there are times when I think "is this all there is to my life?".
I never would imagine that I would be where I am today. Both good and bad. I never really had a 10 year plan or a vision. Its just at some moments I wonder if my life will always be like this.
That's when God lets me know he has been listening and tells me to enjoy what I have.
Case in point, yesterday. I go about my business as usually. Worry about the stupid stuff, my job, do we have enough money in the bank, will I ever have time to do more pages of the boys. Than in the middle of the night, Griffin starts to cry. He had 5 shots yesterday so I understand there will be some tears. I go in and comforts him. An hour later he cries again, Randy's turn. Another hour passes and I wake up to him crying. I go in there and he is thrashing around, screaming. My heart does a little jump and I managed to wake him up. I will never forget that look in his eyes. Words can describe it, but the look was lost, far away and emotionless. He just stares at me and moves his left arm to my face, it's twitching.
I am beginning to get scared. Both arms are twitching. I take him into Randy and ask if I should go to the ER. We decide it's best if I just keep an eye on him. So, Griffin crawls in with me and Randy heads for the couch.
His arms twitch all night long. Every hour on the hour he wakes up crying. I rub his back and tell him I love him.
This is the point that my mind turns on me.
We always think the bad stuff happens to "other people". Well guess what, we are the others. The death of Brittney opened my eyes to that reality. All I could imagine is my baby leaving me. That I would never be able to hold him, hear his laugh, see him grow. I will myself to STOP going to that dark place. It's every parents nightmare.
We manage to get through the night on no sleep; by 7:00 he opens his eyes and asks for daddy.
Today he seems better. The twitching has stopped. He is eating, talking and playing.
Lesson learned; glad to know God listens to me. I love the way my life is. I would not change a thing. I cherish that I was able to spend another day with Griffin.
4 comments:
what was that? I would definately give the doctor a call
Holy shit! Just reading that scared me to death! How is he now? How are you and Randy?
I would still be so frightened, I would call.
I have lots of conversations in my sleep with Larry (it's led to more than one argument about "we talked about it last night!" issues)
But on the bright side, with all the dreaming he does, he might have a very creative mind and do great things with that creative energy!
Do you know what happened? Could it have been a reaction from his shots. Glad to know that he is back to normal.....the great thing about kids is they can bounce back in no time...It's us parents that fall apart after it's all done and over with.
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